Rated G (for gross)

In light of Brandi's post about toilet paper, I just had to share what happened this evening.
My sweet inquisitive little daughter, April, is walking now and into everything. And I mean everything! She was playing in the living room while we were eating dinner and the next thing you know, she was gone. Elliott asked, "Where did April go?" Sure enough she was no longer in the living room. She had slipped out like she often does and taken off down the hallway. The kids and I continued with dinner while Elliott headed down the hall looking into each room to see where she was. The next thing I hear is "Pam! I need your help now. This is really bad." Well, I knew he had found her in the bathroom because that is her favorite place to go when the door is accidentally left open. Then I started to have flash backs of some of the events from earlier in the day and I put 2 and 2 together. After Brandi's post about toilet paper, I commented that my son, John, has a problem remembering to flush the toilet and I often find his business staring at me when I go into my bathroom. I remembered that John came in today after school and had to go really bad so he went into his bathroom instead of my bathroom. Being the country boy that John is, when he really has to go, it's not #1. He doesn't even bother to come into the house for that. He was rushing to the bathroom for a much bigger appointment. This is all going through my head in the time it takes me to run to Elliott's aid and find him with April, hands and face (yes, face) wet, a roll of wet toilet paper on the floor, and things I don't need to spell out for you floating in the toilet. I stripped her down while Elliott filled the tub with water and some tea tree oil (for disinfecting purposes). I think he may have even washed her mouth out.

Most of you who have known me for a while know that I like to expose my children to a wide variety of germs at an early age so their immune systems are ready for the big dirty world. This, however, was not part of the plan!

Here's my favorite guest blogger again

Every once in a while I let Elliott buy some space on my blog to share some of his mind with the world. It's like a window into his soul. Sometimes it's sweet like the one he did about all of the women in his life. Other times the window opens up into a slightly darker place. I love him for all his places. Enjoy...

GrudgeGate

After the argument that you won
I would now like to enter an alternate universe
Through a door inside the lawnmower shed, where you never go
And leave behind my replacement – a perfect replica
Well, at least after a brief talk to tidy up the imperfections
And an exchange of clothes
He in my dirty blue college sweats, and I in his silver suit
And I would sit in a control room with an ergonomic chair and coffee
To watch you find me limp and wet, having slipped in the shower
Trying to better myself to your unreasonable standard

Yes, and through a little one-way window in the cemetery sky
I would watch you fall to your knees, in your black dress
Upon the red dirt and profess your apology to God and me
That point of true repentance would find my ergonomic chair spinning slowly
And me walking down the backstage stairs with a victorious bounce and a sly smile
To the door marked EXIT

I would emerge through the line of pointed cedars
Dressed in the dirty blue sweats that started the argument
But with a face of humility and change, and slight bewilderment, of course
Having gone through a mystery of time and space
We would embrace and both cry
But we would both know
That now I have the upper hand

funny

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office.

"Doc, every time I see nickels, dimes and quarters, I have a panic attack! What can my problem be?"

"Oh, that's easy," the doctor answers. "You're just afraid of change."

I've jumped on the bandwagon. Here's the questionarre with my answers...

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Six Flags (gate attendant)
2. Camp counselor
3. lots and lots of temp jobs
4. Xerox customer billing assistant

Movies I watch over and over:
5. Sense and Sensibility
6. It's a Wonderful Life
7. Sound of Music
8. Tommy Boy

Four places you have lived:
9. Arlington, TX
10. Denton, TX
11. Baird, TX
12. Clyde, TX

Four places you have been on vacation:
13. Niagra Falls
14. Mexico
15. Carlsbad Caverns (Whoohoo RT02!)
16. Disney World/Land

Four of my favorite foods are:
17. Chicken enchiladas w/cream sauce
18. Anything with sun-dried tomatoes or pesto
19. Sesame chicken
20. Crusty bread w/olive oil and roasted garlic

Four places I would rather be right now:
21. The Llano River
22. Mexico
23. Bursa, Turkey
24. A Mediterranean cruise on a small boat with my own butler and my closest friends

Okay, I've added one more category of my own to make things even more interesting.

Four musical performers or groups you could listen to over and over:
25. Norah Jones
26. David Crowder
27. Innocence Mission
28. Elliott Park

And the winner is.......

I just had to blog about my recently being titled KLF Chili Champ 2007. I actually made up the title, but I had to because I wasn't given one. I thought I would share how it all came about and then share the recipe because this was not my "famous" chili recipe, it was just one I found about 2 weeks ago and thought looked good.

My mom came to visit 2 weeks ago and brought me some cooking magazines that she thought I might enjoy. While flipping through Bon Appetit I found this recipe for Beef and Dark Beer Chili. Mmmmmm. Sounds good. Then I got to thinking...I bet no one at a church chili cook-off will put beer in their chili! Isn't that sacreligious? I'm gonna do it! I decided to be on a team by myself because I wanted it done a certain way and in my own time and I'm not very good at telling people what to do. How many of you know that if you don't tell people what to do they will either stand there and look at you...for hours, or they will jump in and do it the way they want. I didn't want any of that, so I formed team "me."

When I looked at the ingredient list, it seemed easy enough. Then I went to HEB and realized how much this chili was going to set me back. The recipe said to buy a 5lb boneless chuck roast and let the butcher grind it for you. Who does that? I needed to double the recipe so I bought 2 5lb tubes of HEB brand ground chuck and went on to the next item. The next big thing was the peppers. The recipe called for 2 1/2 lbs of red bell peppers and 2 1/2 lbs of yellow bell peppers (keep in mind I'm doubling). Does anyone know how much bell peppers are this time of year when they are any color but green? I would have needed to take out a loan. So, I bought less than it called for and made up the difference in onions. (How's that for making it my own Joel?) Since this was a dark beer chili, I needed to buy something that I never buy and know nothing about. Elliott was no help because he only recently discovered a beer he likes in Mexico. I needed the help of someone who was from a "dark ale" kind of place. I know, Tim Prosser! Erica said that his favorite beer is Newcastle Brown Ale. I thought, I'll buy a six pack, use 2 bottles for the chili, let Elliott try one, and the rest can go to Tim. Well, Elliott tried one. Really liked it. Decided that the chili needed more than 2 bottles and he would be keeping the rest for himself. Sorry, Tim.

Yesterday, while putting it all together, I started thinking of reasons why I didn't need to win. I do this thing where I think other people deserve it more and would enjoy winning more than me. What's wrong with me?!? I had a little bit of a shift. I decided that I wanted to win and I had every right to win. It was on!

If you were there, you know how it all ended and probably got to try it for yourself. I will say that I only ended up with a small plastic container of left overs to take home out of 3 1/2 gallons. That's saying something.

We've all been talking about our destinies and while I don't think making chili is my destiny, I love making things for people. And I love it even more when they love what I've made. I needed this little boost to get me going. I don't like being the center of attention, but God loves it! He's given me some talent in a few areas and I know that part of my destiny is to show people the love of Jesus through the things I make for them, be it food or art. This was a fun day. Now I need to think about how I want to spend my $100 at Academy!

http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/recipe_views/printer_friendly/237096