I debated whether or not I should blog about the following subject. Part of me thinks that certain things are private and not to be shared with the general public and then there's another part of me that knows that this is happening everywhere and almost all of my friends who have small children will be experiencing the same thing in a few years. So, since we are all essentially in the same boat, I will proceed...
The other night, Elliott and I were in bed talking and he told me that John has started to ask him questions about his boy parts. I know there are generally two camps of people when referring to "boy parts." Those of you that think proper scientific names should be used for everything and those of you that think cute made up names like tinkie winkie and pee pee are just fine. For the purposes of this blog, and I'm not saying what camp I'm in, although most of you already know, the aforementioned subject will be referred to as "boy parts." Anyway, my interest thoroughly peaked, I shot up to a sitting position and asked him how the conversation went. In detail. Here's what was said,
John: "Daddy, what's my boy part for?"
Elliott: "Well, it's there so that when you go out hunting or fishing, you'll be able to use the bathroom without making a mess all over yourself."
John: "Okay, why don't girls have them?"
Elliott: "Girls don't go hunting or fishing. They like to stay at home where there are toilets for them to use the bathroom in."
John (with a suspicious look on his face): "Seriously Dad, what else are they for?"
Elliott: "I'll tell you later."
You'll tell him later?!? What do you mean later? Like, later as in years, or later as in "it's late so we'll have to talk about it tomorrow?" My head was spinning. Could this be happening so soon? He's only 8 and a half years old. Elliott told me that he was going to have to tell him everything pretty soon because he didn't want him to hear it at school. I just don't like this one bit. I like the innocence I have between me and my son. I like that there's a whole world of stuff he doesn't even know exists. Surely he'll look at me differently. He'll wonder when Elliott and I say, "Mommy and Daddy need to take a long nap. Please don't come in our room for a little while. We'll be sleeping. Just watch your movie and when we wake up we'll come out and watch it with you."
I know that everyone has a story about when they first heard about girl parts and boy parts and what they're for and how they work. For me, it was the end. I didn't hear anything at school. I wasn't even suspicious that something was going on that I didn't know about. I was innocent. I don't even remember starting the whole thing with a question. I just remember my mom calling me into her room and then telling me about it all. I'm serious when I say my world came crashing down. Disney's "It's a Small World", the soundtrack to my life at that time, came screeching to a halt. Forest animals ceased to dance around my feet. I was sick. How could anyone want to do that?
That being the only perspective I have, I am a little concerned for what John is about to go through. I'm sure Elliott will do fine and I'm sure John will do fine. I just don't want to think about it. Actually, I don't have to think about it. I'm pretty sure that this is Elliott's department. My turn will come when the girls get older. And you can bet I'll soften the blow with a weekend at a nice hotel, good food, good chocolate, and lots of shopping. Until then, I'll be watching all my other friends out with daughters who are closer to it than mine are.
9 comments:
yikes.
I remember VERY clearly how I learned about boys and girls. I was 11 years old and I was looking for a movie to watch in my mom's room. When it started playing, a woman on her hands and knees with a man behind her showed up on the screen. And if that wasn't traumatizing enough, my mom walked into the room asking me what I was watching... We had a big "heart-to-heart" right after she attacked the T.V. to turn it off. I am praying that when I talk to Kalista, it won't be so abrupt and I will have more time to prepare. But I know that I will use plain words and be truthful. I want her to know that it is NOT shameful. Anyway, that's my story.
Wow. That's disturbing any way you look at it. Sounds like a theophostic session waiting to happen.
I think you are going to do great with Kalista. You have learned so much over the past couple of years that she can glean from. You're such a great mom!
Daniel started questions already! (Yikes. He's 5.) He's very inquisitive. It all started 'cause he knows various ladies who are pregnant and so questions about where babies come from started, etc. He & his dad & grandpa are really big into science and scientific books. He loves encyclopedias and "grown up" science books. So we found a book about anatomy geared towards children. It's really good. They show parts and explain it but only showing stuff but in a way that it's not in context with the real body. I don't know if I'm making myself clear. Basically the pictures look very scientific versus sexual or whatever, lots of close ups, and they are drawings versus actual photographs.
I learned in school. My mom NEVER talked to me about it. She's from the very conservative, Victorian camp. When I got my . she basically said to get a pad under the sink in her bathroom and that was that. The end of our 'big' talk. I learned about the . from that book "Are You There God? it's Me Margaret." Interesting...
Thanks for sharing! I'm all about being open (to the chagrin of my family....)
I just hate the end of innocence.
I have read that book too! (the margaret one, not the science book) I remember reading about the belt things they had to wear to keep the pads in place, it seemed like a really weird set up. Thank goodness they figured out how to make pads stick to underwear!
My mom never talked to me about it, either. I don't think that I ever asked, though. I remember very vividly being at a friend's house and that song :
1 & 1 we were having some fun in the bedroom all day and all of the night . . . . . and so on. . .
Anyway, it was a REALLY popular song at school. I remember being in a barn out behind her house and she was singing it. She said, "So, how do you think you have sex?" I said, "I think the boy . . " and explained what I thought. I remember she said, "Oh gross!!" and that was the end of it.
On Fridays in English class (junior high), we had to write a story and read it in front of the class for a grade. Our class had "secret words" for different body parts. I remember that a girl's private was a cherry, but I can't remember the other ones. But, one guy imparticular wrote a story EVERY WEEK that had these "code words" all throughout it. Our teacher never picked up on it, but when he would use those words, the whole class would erupt in laughter! She never knew what was so funny!
I did try to figure it out via television and HBO (at my aunt's house), but I wish now that my parents had just told me.
Payton's been asking questions since I found out I'm pregnant, but he's only 6 and I don't know how much information he needs right now. But, I would much rather him learn it at home than at school.
So, I'll be watching you!! ;)
Okay, I'm with you Pam. I hate thinking about the whole thing. I will wait to hear what you have to say about how it all went.
On a funny side note when I was scrolling to the top of all these comments to read them I quickly scanned to see who had commented already. When I was reading Jennifer's first comment I thought that it was Rachel writing about seeing that video! I was totally shocked for her. It took me awhile to figure out that it wasn't Rachel. JENNIFER...that's horrible!
I remember my Mom telling me all. Too bad I already knew it all when she told me. At that time I probably could have given her some tips! (Believe me...I'm not bragging.)
I'm way too sensitive about this subject. I hate the thought of this even being an issue soon.
I had a thought today.
If Elliott turns out to be good with "The Boy Talk" and Francesca turns out to be good at "The Girl Talk" then maybe each of us can hire them to give our own kids the talk when the time comes.
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