That's what they're calling it, anyway. It's a Works for me Wednesday where instead of me giving you a small piece of my mind, I ask a question and you give me a hopefully bigger piece of your mind. Ready? Let's go!
As everyone who knows me will attest, E and I are done having children. As in finished, comepleted, over and out. I do not get a twinge in my uterus whenever I hear a newborn baby cry. I am getting used to getting sleep in increments longer than 3 hours. I want my body back. I want to keep my hair. I don't want to do anything else to contribute to the sagging that I see when I look in the mirror.
A little history, I have never been on the pill. I have always used over-the-counter birth control methods and to tell you the truth, it wasn't until 2 years ago that I actually wanted to prevent pregnancy. Now E and I are discussing the big "V" word. I should rephrase that to say we are re-visiting the "V" word. The last time we discussed it, I made an appointment for him, an appointment which lasted 4 months, only to have him cancel the appointment the week of.
So, here we are again. Me, unwilling to do one more invasive thing to my body. And him, unwilling to "give up his reproductive abilities." Insert long wolf-like howl. (To be fair, he actually has some medical concerns about the long-term affects of it.) We are at an impasse. I do not want to go on the pill. It's just not my style. I also am not willing to have my female organs jacked around with anymore. I am not the kind of wife who would demand something from my husband. I love him and I will not feel comfortable if he does something because I manipulated him or coerced him into it.
Which brings me to my question(s): What are you all doing about this? What have you already done? What are you planning to do? How has it worked out? Any regrets? Any NFPers out there?
WHAT WORKS FOR YOU?
16 comments:
Oooh, a big decision for so many. No real answers for ya, just some small comfort that you are not alone!
when we decided that 4 kids was enough, my OB/GYN suggested that my husband have a vasectomy versus me having my tubes tied. firstly, there are fewer risks with this procedure, the healing time is shorter and the outcome is more reliable. my husband was reluctant because he heard it would reduce his sex drive ergo he would be "less of a man". well, that, as i let him know as often as i can, is a bold faced LIE!! if anything he wants it more than before, probably because he knows i won't get pregnant! i have too many friends that had their tubes tied and ended up pregnant again and one of them had a tubal pregnancy. i have friends whose hubby's went under the knife and NONE of them have gotten pregnant and their husbands are complaining about reduced sex drives. 24-48 hours of discomfort and ice bag undies is a small price to pay considering we carry babies around in our bellies for 9-10 months and have our V spot stretched to the point of tearing!
My firstborn was conceived during natural family planning. Apparently, you can still conceive even on your husband's birthday. You'd think God would make an exception for that!
Go with NFP.
Although you've made the decision not to have more children, there's always a possibilty that you'll change your mind. My mom got her tubes tied after I was born, and she said it was one of the biggest mistakes of her life. Years later, she unsuccessfully tried to reverse the surgery, and I think she'll always regret her decision to permanantly change a part of her body.
That being said, the Pill has side affects, and can make it difficult to conceive again, should you change your mind later on in life. Also, I've spoken with many women who have used contraceptives, and they've told me it changed their marriage, but not in a good way.
Pray about the decision, and see what God wants you to do!
Have you considered an IUD or essure(basically an in office procedure where they block your fallopian tubes)? GL, my uterus is still twinging yet we're either not getting preggo or miscarrying...
Pam,
NFP is not as reliable as fertility awareness. There is a great book called "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" that does a much better job of explaining it then I could possibly do in a post. If you want more information, let me know. I've actually considered teaching it at a local store/resource center that hosts workshops of that sort of thing. If you have the discipline to follow the method it can be super reliable....and its not that hard either so don't rule it out without the research if you really would like a non-invasive method.
That said, a few years back Kevin and I did a lot of research regarding contraceptives for a paper he was writing. There are risks and side effects to vasectomys. Of course you will find some people that didn't deal with any of them, but then again you will find some people who had major problems. Personally I wouldn't advocate either one (tubal or vasectomy).
Good luck with your decision. It's a toughie!
There are things you can do. One person mentioned fertility awareness. There's this kit that someone makes where every day you put a glob of saliva on a slide, check it out in the viewer and you get to know when NOT to "be together". :)
I heard excellent things about it, you can get them (in Canada) in local drug stores. Haven't used myself as hubby and I are doing the "trusting God to make that decision for us route". :)
this is a rough decision... but i would say there are so many people i know who have made this decision, and then years down the line have regretted it...
i've been seeing commercials for something called Esure i think? for women, but not surgery?
i don't think i'd want me or my husband to get a surgery. i think i heard the V does have some not so good side effects? i never had a problem with the pill, but some women get very emotional and depressed. what a hard decision! i have no idea what i'd do! a lot of people i know get an IUD, but it can be really dangerous if you do get pregnant (which i know a lot of people that's happened to as well). i would never get one. i'd rather be on the pill!
Well, it looks like you have not gotten any clear answers. I don't know what to tell you either. Scott just had his vasectomy done last week and so far no bad side effects. I think in the long run it will be the best decision for us. Tell E to keep the appt.
My hubby and I are at the same impasse. :) Neither of us want to be invaded. I use NFP and a book I highly recommend is Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. I also use her software called Ovusoft to track. :)
My hubby had a vasectomy several years ago and it's been GREAT! No worries, no messy over-the-counter birth control, and his sex drive is just as strong as ever! If you're SURE you don't want more then go for it. It's very liberating.
My darling hubby had this done shortly after our second child was born. He willingly did it, no problems since, and we're very thankful he had it done. My dad had it done umpteen years ago and to my knowledge, no problems there either (not that I really discuss these sensitive subjects too much with my parents, but, you know...)
Our good friends like to remind us of their 5th child/post-big-V baby though. So if he does have it done, make sure he goes in for all of the re-checks!!
You may not want to hear this, but the exact same dilemma led to my divorce. I sincerely hope you and your husband can work it out.
You already know what I have to say...Have E get the V!
No worries!
It's all good.
Hey, Pam! Wow, what a lot of opinions! We dealt with this last fall. After seeing me give birth for the fourth time, he was more than willing and made the decision on his own. Although his recovery time was a little longer than some, no lasting side effects have been noted. I agree with one of your anonymous commentors - it certainly IS liberating!
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