Saturday, September 01, 2007

Adventures with the Tooth Fairy (Part 2)

This past Tuesday was my 2nd appointment with my favorite cosmetic dentist in the whole world. There was actually a meeting in between the first and second appointments in which I didn't open my mouth at all, just my wallet. Or Elliott's. And his jaw was actually open pretty wide, come to think of it. This appointment would prove to be a little more uncomfortable for me than the initial consultation.

Let's start at the beginning. When I got there, Elizabeth, the assistant, took me to a room with huge windows looking out on a rock fountain and fish pond. Elizabeth told me to take my shoes off if I wanted and get comfortable in the chair. This chair had some kind of tempurpedic pad or something on the top of the regular chair you're used to seeing. You know how I love that stuff invented by NASA! Anyway, I sat down, she leaned me back and then put headphones on me. Then she handed me the remote to the tv that was IN THE CEILING! I started channel surfing while she put a mask over my nose that had nitrous oxide coming out of it. I pushed a button on the remote that made a menu come up and I couldn't get it to go away so Elizabeth had to stop what she was doing and fix it. When she got it going again, I said, "Just find the Food Network and I'll be fine." Elizabeth was doing prep stuff when another girl came in and started giving me a hand and arm massage. For a minute I thought I was at the spa to get my nails done and then I remembered this was, in fact, the dentist. Just when they got me all relaxed and happy, Dr. Leedy came in and started to work. I don't have to tell you that most dentist appointments start off with some kind of shot so if that bothers you, well, I've already said it so nevermind. I have to say that that shot hurt pretty bad. My toes were curled like the wicked witch that got smashed by the house. I was holding on to those arm rests like I was about to be ejected. I was sucking on that Nitrous like it was going out of style. I was using similes like there was no tomorrow. Sorry, I got carried away. I got 3 shots. One above each of my two front teeth and one behind them kind of on the roof of my mouth. I know your butt is tight just hearing about it. Pretty soon after that, I was fine. She started drilling during Giada and didn't stop until well into Emeril. It was like she came to my door and told me what she was going to be doing to the outside of my house and then I went inside, turned on the Food Network and vegged out while listening to people working outside. Nice.

After a while of me dozing on and off, everything stopped. When I could see that the coast was clear, I felt my two front teeth with my tongue. Whoa. What's this I feel? How about next to nothing. My teeth were what felt like little nubs. I asked if I could go to the bathroom because I really couldn't hold it any longer. Elizabeth said, "Sure. Just don't look at yourself because we don't have your temporaries in yet." I said, "Okay." Yeah, right. Of course I looked. I felt like one of those people you see on Extreme Makeover, or in Baird. (That was Kristy Belcher's joke! She just loooooves Baird.) I got back to the chair and Elizabeth squirted some stuff on my teeth and then stuck the temporary on. That was it. She gave me a mirror and I felt like I was looking at Mr. Ed. Since then, I've gotten used to them. I've been using a whitening tray at night to whiten my other teeth so when I go back in two weeks, they'll know what shade of white to make the permanent crown. I'm so excited! Elliott took a picture of me and did some fiddling in photoshop and found that if I had them shave about a sixteenth of an inch off of the permanent set, they would look even better. We'll do that on the next appointment.

The only other thing I had done on that visit was get my initial cleaning. Let me remind you, I haven't had my teeth cleaned, by a professional, in over 10 years. I thought I did a pretty good job in the mean time with all the tools I have, and the hygienist even said they looked better than she thought they would, but man did it hurt. She was scraping and I was cringing all over again. My mouth was sore for two days after that. Anyway, I will be going to my next appointment on the 11th or the 12th and then I get my permanents on October 9th. Just in time for the ASCAP awards. (More on that later) I'm not posting any pictures until then because I want true before and after shots. And, of course, I'll include one of my tooth fairy!


Beth said...

ooh, I can't wait to see your new grill!

High in Demand said...

Man, how could beth have stolen my line like that? Nuts!

Now I have to say something like, I'm really looking forward to seeing your bright smiling face...gag.

Hmmm...Does your tooth fairy happen to carry around a well worn caulking gun?

Brenda M Becker said...

That is a great rendition of the story. It is such a blessing when we can get something done that we've waited for AND get pampered. I think that is certainly the right way for a princess.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE your story-telling techniques! My butt really was tight! You know your audience so well and cater to our weird senses of humor! What a writer! You should write a book of short HILARIOUS stories. The book saleswoman has to be one of them!